Newfie, Come Home!

In a Guantanamo Bay Prison, terrorists Atakan Kihlall and his servant, Sirhan Rappi, eat Froot Loops. Kihall hates the breakfast cereal. They dream of escape.

At the same time in St. Johns, Newfoundland, Gord McDougall plays a game of chicken with his uncle outside the house while Gord's dad is inside, preparing to commit suicide. The McDougall family has a history of meeting untimely ends in bizarre accidents. Gord's dad walks to the window for one last look at his family … and is hit in the chest with a knife accidentally thrown by a screaming Gord – who’d been hit in the foot by his uncle's throw.

Gord is shattered by the accident. He discovers the pills and booze his father was about to take, and rushes to the hospital. Once there, his father explains that he could have been a better father and that if you're going to go big, the bigger the better. Gord confuses the message, believing … like father, like son … he must carry out what his father had set out to do … and take his own life.

Donna White, a social worker, meets Gord and falls for him. She has a history of relationships with strange men. One of them, Lester DePester, is a serial stalker who's recently escaped from an asylum. Donna sends Gord to Toronto to see a specialist for his low self-esteem. Before leaving, Gord takes out a life insurance policy so his family can get rich.

On the boat to the mainland, Gord bumps into Kihall. After careful thought, Kihlall welcomes Gord into the terrorist fold. Gord yells for joy … and gets them arrested.

CSIS calls the Immigration Minister Ellie Krapstane, who's in bed with Iraqi ambassador Bahrain Diyad. Fearing a million-dollar law suit, Canada puts Gord and Kihlall into the witness protection program.

Gord finds room and board with Two-Bit, a low-life, drug dealer. On the first night the place is shot up by a rival gang. Gord jumps up and down on the sofa bed, trying to get hit by the hail of bullets crashing through the window.

Gord and Kihlall’s CSIS folders get mixed up. Gord winds up at a taxi company full of aspiring terrorists while Kihlall is in Toronto at a plant … manufacturing Froot Loops. Kihlall leaves the plant and hitches a ride to Ottawa … with a Jewish family.

Kihlall schedules Gord to blow up the U.S. Embassy but Gord doesn't want to kill anybody but himself. Gord streaks naked past the Embassy before his terrorists can detonate the taxi cab. Nobody's hurt and Gord's upset that he's still alive.

A cross-border dialogue begins between the Canadian Prime Minister May Bea Peutetre and U.S. President Will Stinson. Stinson tells her to find the Newfy who did it. Gord is already on the way to Niagara Falls for his next mission. He happily tunes in a radio talk show on assisted suicide. In Toronto, DePester narrowly misses taking out an oblivious Gord. At Niagara Falls, Gord manages to sink the Maid of the Mist but is unable to beat off a diver who pulls him off the submerged boat and up out of the water … where the authorities apprehend him.

Kihlall soon breaks him out, using Donna as a bargaining chip. The U.S. President is coming to Ottawa to get to the bottom of things. It's a prime opportunity for the terrorists to kill two heads of state with one Gord. Or is it?