When Pigs Fly

The Irreverent Tales of a Bear in the Air

This book chronicles the various methods the author inadvertently employed trying to kill himself during his life. On the farm, evil machinery attempted to have their way with him on several occasions. Later, while recklessly operating old Triumph and Ducati motorcycles, he nearly did the deed to the consternation of the folks. As a state patrolman he almost allowed several insane motorists to complete the job left unfinished by the tractors and bikes. He was forced to chase armed psychopaths the wrong way on the freeway and jerked other motorists out their side window after they tried to run him down. Thirteen years of investigating fatal accidents convinced the author to seek a less gruesome line of work so he took up flying police aircraft instead. As a novice flight instructor the author was attacked in the cockpit by a crazed student pilot who put the plane into a spin. While flying state patrol planes he survived engine failures, dead stick landings, air-borne dog fights with drug runners, and icing encounters so severe he still has nightmares. Flying state personnel and governors in the state's turbo-prop and turbo-jet aircraft had some crazy moments too. Hauling prisoners and serial killers around the country forced the author to always keep his sidearm close by. A narrow escape from an inverted flat spin in an AT6 Texan was the scariest of all. He flew corporate jets after retirement and describes some hairy moments locating radio-collared elk while flying over the Olympic Mountains. Releasing sterile insects over Jamaica was exciting especially after several million of them escaped into the cockpit and tried to gag him one morning. He feels quite fortunate to have survived all the close calls.