The Princess Witch; Or, It Isn't As Easy To Go Crazy As You Might Think

I must finally have gone over the edge to totally batshit crazy. There could be no other explanation. No other explanation for why the cannibal warlord Hamatsa's procurer of bodies, the svelte seductress Kinqalatlala, was standing before me with her razor sharp hand stabbed through my chest while her tongue pushed into my mouth. No other explanation for why I stood frozen in shock while blood streamed down my legs. My blood. No other explanation for why my girlfriend Jean lay unmoving and unconscious on the pavement. No other explanation for why a tall naked muscular Amazonian goddess with glowing crystalline blue skin and only one eye and one breast let out a screech that threatened to burst my head.

Well, wait. There could be one other explanation. It could be that I was dead. It could be that I now resided in the spirit world. Crazy or dead. This day was not going well.

Parrots are my life now. One parrot in particular. A parrot named Princess Tara. She really is a princess. And she really is a witch. I should know. She's taken over my life, so I'm thinking if I share her life with you maybe I'll get some of my life back. Or not. These stories are true. To a point. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Except for Princess Tara's. She really exists. And she's really a witch. A witch with a coffee addiction. And a fondness for pizza and beer.

This is a story of how my life changed when I discovered she needed me and and my friends to help her save my world and hers from a mystical and powerful god of war hell bent on creating a new world order of masters and slaves led by a cannibal warlock and his zombie army of the dead. Then I discovered my parrot, the parrot that just happened to be a witch, was not alone. Turns out she leads a coven of witches which also happens to manifest themselves as a pandemonium of parrots. And one black cat. To fight the evil god of war, his cannibal warlock, the zombie army of the dead, and a shapeshifting seductress, a black witch intent on seducing me, Princess Tara needed me to help her search for the tlogwe, the ultimate treasure, the gift of magical powers granted only to those brave enough to enter the realm of the spirits. Only problem is, to enter the realm of the spirits, I first had to be dead.