The Housewife Assassin's Handbook
Book #1 - The Housewife Assassin Series
Mystery & Suspense, Hard-Boiled, Women Sleuths, Romance, Romantic Suspense
| Author: | Josie Brown | ISBN: | 9780974021409 |
| Publisher: | Signal Press | Publication: | October 16, 2012 |
| Imprint: | Signal Press | Language: | English |
| Author: | Josie Brown |
| ISBN: | 9780974021409 |
| Publisher: | Signal Press |
| Publication: | October 16, 2012 |
| Imprint: | Signal Press |
| Language: | English |
Murder, suspense, sex--and some handy household tips.
IN BOOK 1 OF THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN SERIES:
*All I really needed to know about being a freelance assassin I learned before my youngest daughter, Trisha, started kindergarten.
I've come to that realization as I lay naked and handcuffed to the bed of my target du jour, a sleazebag by the name of Yuri Petrovich. Yuri has just downed a couple of Viagra with the last of his Starbucks venti-sized nonfat decaf caramel macchiato. This is to ensure us both that his attempt to mount me will have all the gusto of a broncobuster breaking in the wildest filly in the corral before heading on into the sunset. (In truth, we are in a hillside suite at the Chateau Marmont. But considering Yuri's attitude toward women, the cowboyspeak sums things up quite nicely.)
Believe it or not, everything is going just as I planned, and right on schedule...*
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK:
Every housewife needs an alias. Donna Stone has one--and it happens to be government-sanctioned.
Oh sure, you need to be ruthless to take on Russian mafia bosses, rogue dictators, and terrorists set on destroying the world. But it takes real killer instincts to survive suburbia. Try juggling the fifth grade phone tree during a shootout with skinhead arms dealers, or driving carpool while being chased by Chinese double agents.
Donna's life wasn't always this complicated. Five years earlier she was just another woman with two preschoolers, a baby bump, and an adoring husband: Carl, with whom she lived happily ever after in a McMansion in the Orange County, California community of Hilldale. But Donna's life was changed forever the night she delivered her baby. Carl's car blew up on the way to the hospital.
Turns out Carl was a "hard man"--an assassin--for the black ops organization known as Acme Industries. The hit on Carl was carried out by the Quorum, a terrorist cell he was tracking. The Quorum's motto: "Show me the money." Governments and corporations do as they're told--or suffer bloody consequences.
To protect herself and avenge Carl's death, Donna joined Acme. Whereas her hostessing skills rival Martha Stewart's, her marksmanship is second to none.
A good thing, too, because the Quorum has planted a sleeper cell in Hilldale. For Donna, that's too close for comfort. Will she be able to save her family before the Quorum blows up Los Angeles?Acme's way of flushing out the Quorum is by "bringing Carl back from the dead."
But terrorism makes strange bedfellows--and brings new meaning to that old adage "Honey, I'm home..."
"Secrets, sex, money and scandal! Josie Brown is truly entertaining reading." -- Jackie Collins
"This book hits all the right notes...I now want a week at the beach to read them all...I'm completely smitten." -- Barbara Vey
PRAISE FOR THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN SERIES
*"*This is a super sexy and fun read that you shouldn't miss! How do I love this book, let me count the ways: (1.) A kick ass woman that can literally kick ass as well as cook and clean. Donna gives a whole new meaning to "taking out the trash". (2.) The book is set around Los Angeles, mostly in a gated community suspiciously like Coto de Caza, full of housewives that could be 'real" and for the setting alone, a big giant WIN! (3.) Super sarcasm, snarky dialogue and making fun of all that is wrong in the OC, politics, as well as current world affairs." -- Mary Jacobs, Book Hounds Reviews
"If I was a housewife, I would want to be Donna. I'm not kidding guys, the girl can shoot, seduce, and kill, all while balancing the demands of carpool and managing the suburban mommies and their opinion of her and her kids. Her hostess skills are to die for, and many have fallen for her seduction routines. Enter Jack, who is a fantastic and well known agent, and sexy to boot. The chemistry between the two of them is enough to set water on fire. Add in a healthy dose of humor and ridiculousness, some mayhem, and some really cute kids, and you've got a book that won't be put down - so go pick it up now!"
-- Cat's Thoughts
"The Housewife Assassin's Handbook by Josie Brown is a fun, sexy and intriguing mystery. Donna Stone is a great heroine - housewives can lead all sorts of double lives, but as an assassin? Who would have seen that one coming? Certainly not those in Donna's neighbourhood. This book totally reminded me of the movie Mr & Mrs. Smith. Not that it is a copy of the movie, but that it has all of the thrills and enjoyment of the movie. It's a fast-paced read, the gadgets are awesome, and I could just picture Donna fighting off Russian gangsters and skinheads all the while having a pie at home cooling on the windowsill. As a housewife myself, this book was a fantastic escape that had me dreaming "if only" the whole way through. The book doesn't take itself too seriously, which makes for the perfect combination of mystery and humour..." --Curled Up with a Good Book and a Cup of Tea
"I thoroughly enjoyed Donna and Jack, their zeal for their missions and each other. James Bond doesn’t have anything on these two. Very entertaining." -- Sandy M., The Good, The Bad, and The Unread
"After reading this fantastic story, I immediately checked out Ms. Brown’s website to see what else she has written. I was so excited to see there is another The Housewife Assassin’s book!! I will be reading it next. I am in love with the main characters. And what an interesting twist at the end." -- Guilty Pleasures Book Reviews
PRAISE FOR JOSIE BROWN
"Josie Brown writes with all the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Her clever dialogue makes for truly entertaining reading." -- Jackie Collins
“Brown proves that a story with suburban bodies can be just as suspenseful as one with dead bodies! Loved it!” -- Stephanie Bond, author, OUR HUSBAND, and THE BODY MOVERS series
"I loved it! Josie Brown captures the highs and lows of love, lust and marriage with heartwrenching pathos. I'm recommending it to all my friends as the perfect beach read!" -- Lisa Rinna, actress
OTHER FUNNY ROMANTIC MYSTERIES BY JOSIE BROWN:
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK (Book 1) Every desperate housewife wants an alias. Donna Stone has one, and it happens to be government-sanctions. But espionage makes for strange bedfellows, and brings new meaning to the old adage, "Honey, I'm home..."
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S GUIDE TO GRACIOUS KILLING (Book 2)
On Donna's to-do list: First, exterminate a rogue operative out to assassinate the newly elected Russian President. Next: file for divorce!
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S KILLER CHRISTMAS TIPS (Book 3)
'Tis the season for mistletoe...and murder! There will be no peace on Earth if Donna doesn't find a shipping container filled with heat-seeking missiles!
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S RELATIONSHIP SURVIVAL GUIDE (Book 4)
London. Paris. Guantanamo Bay. Donna Stone is looking for love -- and terrorists -- in all the wrong places. In this fourth full-length novel of The Housewife Assassin series, Donna Stone finds out that breaking up is hard to do. Then again, so is dating a terrorist, let alone eleven of them! Does this make Donna a serial dater, or a serial killer? Worse yet, an old flame gets in the way of Donna's chance for true love. But she doesn't cry...She gets even.
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S VACATION TO DIE FOR (Book 5)
An NSA scientist has disappeared with a deadly plague virus. Donna and Jack must find him before it is unleashed on Fantasy island. But first they'll have to deal with a nude sunbathing serial killer, a Lord of the Flies 'tween takeover, poison dart-throwing pygmies, and a hunt club with the most unusual prey. And you call this a vacation?
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S RECIPES FOR DISASTER (Book 6)
Housewife Assassin Donna Stone's executive mission is crystal clear: stop the assassination of both US political parties' presidential candidates. When she discovers she has a long-term vendetta with one of the targets, can she put her animosity aside long enough to save the candidate's life?
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HOLLYWOOD SCREAM PLAY (Book 7)
Lights, camera and non-stop action await Donna and Jack when they are hired as espionage consultants on a movie set. There will be plenty of close-ups, and too many close calls as they use the movie's many location shoots to track down crucial intel needed to take down the Quorum. But nothing--including a lascivious leading lady, deadly stunt doubles, or being on Interpol's Most Wanted list-will stand in their way.
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S DEADLLY DOSSIER (PREQUEL)
In this full-length prequel to The Housewife Assassin series, Acme Industries' black=ops agent Jack Craig is tasked with investigating the mysterious death of his organization's most prolific hit man, Carl Stone, only to fall in love with the dead man's wife, Donna--a woman he must never contact, but who may hold the key to her husband's disappearance. When Acme approaches Donna to join the organization as an assassin, Jack's undercover mission will change both their lives forever.
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S KILLER APP (Book 8)
In order to flush out an internationally renowned hacker who is wreaking havoc with top secret documents inside the United States' Intelligence Community's secured database, housewife assassin Donna Stone infiltrates three very successful high tech corporations, including one with an operating system that contains artificial intelligence designed to meet your every need--even if it kills you; another with a CEO who plans to broker the country's intelligence secrets to the highest bidder, be it a terrorist or enemy state; and an interactive game start-up with an avatar on the deadliest mission of all: kill Donna. Can she save the world from terror--and at the same time protect her children from the painful knowledge of the father who deserted them?
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HOSTAGE HOSTING TIPS (Book 9)
It's up to Donna Stone to save a hotel filled with international dignitaries from terrorists whose usual demands are million-dollar ransoms. But this time, the price is much higher, and much more personal, for the housewife assassin.
Murder, suspense, sex--and some handy household tips.
IN BOOK 1 OF THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN SERIES:
*All I really needed to know about being a freelance assassin I learned before my youngest daughter, Trisha, started kindergarten.
I've come to that realization as I lay naked and handcuffed to the bed of my target du jour, a sleazebag by the name of Yuri Petrovich. Yuri has just downed a couple of Viagra with the last of his Starbucks venti-sized nonfat decaf caramel macchiato. This is to ensure us both that his attempt to mount me will have all the gusto of a broncobuster breaking in the wildest filly in the corral before heading on into the sunset. (In truth, we are in a hillside suite at the Chateau Marmont. But considering Yuri's attitude toward women, the cowboyspeak sums things up quite nicely.)
Believe it or not, everything is going just as I planned, and right on schedule...*
ABOUT THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK:
Every housewife needs an alias. Donna Stone has one--and it happens to be government-sanctioned.
Oh sure, you need to be ruthless to take on Russian mafia bosses, rogue dictators, and terrorists set on destroying the world. But it takes real killer instincts to survive suburbia. Try juggling the fifth grade phone tree during a shootout with skinhead arms dealers, or driving carpool while being chased by Chinese double agents.
Donna's life wasn't always this complicated. Five years earlier she was just another woman with two preschoolers, a baby bump, and an adoring husband: Carl, with whom she lived happily ever after in a McMansion in the Orange County, California community of Hilldale. But Donna's life was changed forever the night she delivered her baby. Carl's car blew up on the way to the hospital.
Turns out Carl was a "hard man"--an assassin--for the black ops organization known as Acme Industries. The hit on Carl was carried out by the Quorum, a terrorist cell he was tracking. The Quorum's motto: "Show me the money." Governments and corporations do as they're told--or suffer bloody consequences.
To protect herself and avenge Carl's death, Donna joined Acme. Whereas her hostessing skills rival Martha Stewart's, her marksmanship is second to none.
A good thing, too, because the Quorum has planted a sleeper cell in Hilldale. For Donna, that's too close for comfort. Will she be able to save her family before the Quorum blows up Los Angeles?Acme's way of flushing out the Quorum is by "bringing Carl back from the dead."
But terrorism makes strange bedfellows--and brings new meaning to that old adage "Honey, I'm home..."
"Secrets, sex, money and scandal! Josie Brown is truly entertaining reading." -- Jackie Collins
"This book hits all the right notes...I now want a week at the beach to read them all...I'm completely smitten." -- Barbara Vey
PRAISE FOR THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN SERIES
*"*This is a super sexy and fun read that you shouldn't miss! How do I love this book, let me count the ways: (1.) A kick ass woman that can literally kick ass as well as cook and clean. Donna gives a whole new meaning to "taking out the trash". (2.) The book is set around Los Angeles, mostly in a gated community suspiciously like Coto de Caza, full of housewives that could be 'real" and for the setting alone, a big giant WIN! (3.) Super sarcasm, snarky dialogue and making fun of all that is wrong in the OC, politics, as well as current world affairs." -- Mary Jacobs, Book Hounds Reviews
"If I was a housewife, I would want to be Donna. I'm not kidding guys, the girl can shoot, seduce, and kill, all while balancing the demands of carpool and managing the suburban mommies and their opinion of her and her kids. Her hostess skills are to die for, and many have fallen for her seduction routines. Enter Jack, who is a fantastic and well known agent, and sexy to boot. The chemistry between the two of them is enough to set water on fire. Add in a healthy dose of humor and ridiculousness, some mayhem, and some really cute kids, and you've got a book that won't be put down - so go pick it up now!"
-- Cat's Thoughts
"The Housewife Assassin's Handbook by Josie Brown is a fun, sexy and intriguing mystery. Donna Stone is a great heroine - housewives can lead all sorts of double lives, but as an assassin? Who would have seen that one coming? Certainly not those in Donna's neighbourhood. This book totally reminded me of the movie Mr & Mrs. Smith. Not that it is a copy of the movie, but that it has all of the thrills and enjoyment of the movie. It's a fast-paced read, the gadgets are awesome, and I could just picture Donna fighting off Russian gangsters and skinheads all the while having a pie at home cooling on the windowsill. As a housewife myself, this book was a fantastic escape that had me dreaming "if only" the whole way through. The book doesn't take itself too seriously, which makes for the perfect combination of mystery and humour..." --Curled Up with a Good Book and a Cup of Tea
"I thoroughly enjoyed Donna and Jack, their zeal for their missions and each other. James Bond doesn’t have anything on these two. Very entertaining." -- Sandy M., The Good, The Bad, and The Unread
"After reading this fantastic story, I immediately checked out Ms. Brown’s website to see what else she has written. I was so excited to see there is another The Housewife Assassin’s book!! I will be reading it next. I am in love with the main characters. And what an interesting twist at the end." -- Guilty Pleasures Book Reviews
PRAISE FOR JOSIE BROWN
"Josie Brown writes with all the secrets, sex, money and scandal of an OK! Magazine cover story. Her clever dialogue makes for truly entertaining reading." -- Jackie Collins
“Brown proves that a story with suburban bodies can be just as suspenseful as one with dead bodies! Loved it!” -- Stephanie Bond, author, OUR HUSBAND, and THE BODY MOVERS series
"I loved it! Josie Brown captures the highs and lows of love, lust and marriage with heartwrenching pathos. I'm recommending it to all my friends as the perfect beach read!" -- Lisa Rinna, actress
OTHER FUNNY ROMANTIC MYSTERIES BY JOSIE BROWN:
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HANDBOOK (Book 1) Every desperate housewife wants an alias. Donna Stone has one, and it happens to be government-sanctions. But espionage makes for strange bedfellows, and brings new meaning to the old adage, "Honey, I'm home..."
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S GUIDE TO GRACIOUS KILLING (Book 2)
On Donna's to-do list: First, exterminate a rogue operative out to assassinate the newly elected Russian President. Next: file for divorce!
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S KILLER CHRISTMAS TIPS (Book 3)
'Tis the season for mistletoe...and murder! There will be no peace on Earth if Donna doesn't find a shipping container filled with heat-seeking missiles!
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S RELATIONSHIP SURVIVAL GUIDE (Book 4)
London. Paris. Guantanamo Bay. Donna Stone is looking for love -- and terrorists -- in all the wrong places. In this fourth full-length novel of The Housewife Assassin series, Donna Stone finds out that breaking up is hard to do. Then again, so is dating a terrorist, let alone eleven of them! Does this make Donna a serial dater, or a serial killer? Worse yet, an old flame gets in the way of Donna's chance for true love. But she doesn't cry...She gets even.
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S VACATION TO DIE FOR (Book 5)
An NSA scientist has disappeared with a deadly plague virus. Donna and Jack must find him before it is unleashed on Fantasy island. But first they'll have to deal with a nude sunbathing serial killer, a Lord of the Flies 'tween takeover, poison dart-throwing pygmies, and a hunt club with the most unusual prey. And you call this a vacation?
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S RECIPES FOR DISASTER (Book 6)
Housewife Assassin Donna Stone's executive mission is crystal clear: stop the assassination of both US political parties' presidential candidates. When she discovers she has a long-term vendetta with one of the targets, can she put her animosity aside long enough to save the candidate's life?
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HOLLYWOOD SCREAM PLAY (Book 7)
Lights, camera and non-stop action await Donna and Jack when they are hired as espionage consultants on a movie set. There will be plenty of close-ups, and too many close calls as they use the movie's many location shoots to track down crucial intel needed to take down the Quorum. But nothing--including a lascivious leading lady, deadly stunt doubles, or being on Interpol's Most Wanted list-will stand in their way.
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S DEADLLY DOSSIER (PREQUEL)
In this full-length prequel to The Housewife Assassin series, Acme Industries' black=ops agent Jack Craig is tasked with investigating the mysterious death of his organization's most prolific hit man, Carl Stone, only to fall in love with the dead man's wife, Donna--a woman he must never contact, but who may hold the key to her husband's disappearance. When Acme approaches Donna to join the organization as an assassin, Jack's undercover mission will change both their lives forever.
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S KILLER APP (Book 8)
In order to flush out an internationally renowned hacker who is wreaking havoc with top secret documents inside the United States' Intelligence Community's secured database, housewife assassin Donna Stone infiltrates three very successful high tech corporations, including one with an operating system that contains artificial intelligence designed to meet your every need--even if it kills you; another with a CEO who plans to broker the country's intelligence secrets to the highest bidder, be it a terrorist or enemy state; and an interactive game start-up with an avatar on the deadliest mission of all: kill Donna. Can she save the world from terror--and at the same time protect her children from the painful knowledge of the father who deserted them?
THE HOUSEWIFE ASSASSIN'S HOSTAGE HOSTING TIPS (Book 9)
It's up to Donna Stone to save a hotel filled with international dignitaries from terrorists whose usual demands are million-dollar ransoms. But this time, the price is much higher, and much more personal, for the housewife assassin.
