The Astral Disruptor

My butler, Chives, had gone to answer the door.I made a great show of nonchalance, as I always do when unexpected visitors arrive during a period of crisis, and I took my oboe down from its shelf and played a sad melody. I heard the tramp of feet, five feet in total, which meant only a single visitor, for three feet always belong to Chives; I gave him the extra leg when I invented him, for the sake of stability and speed. And also because he’s a monster. He entered the room and I broke off my playing in the middle of a bittersweet arpeggio and scrutinised the figure that stood directly behind him.“A certain functionary to see you, sir,” said ChivesA short story by Rhys HughesMagnano watched my butler leave and asked politely, “You do have a valid monster license, don’t you?”“Renewed last month. Won’t you sit?”He declined. “And up to date monster insurance?”“Indeed. And I pay monster tax.”“Sorry for asking; but it’s my job. Now then, I imagine there will have to be a thorough engineering survey carried out on the structural integrity of the ceiling, to make sure it is safe and not likely to collapse; and if the reports are negative, mass evacuation to underground caves might be the only option for the human race…”