Rest, Play, Grow

Making Sense of Preschoolers (Or Anyone Who Acts Like One)

Foreword by Gordon Neufeld

Based on the work of one of the world’s foremost child development experts, Rest, Play, Grow offers a developmental road map to adults and is what every toddler, preschooler, and kindergartner wished their adults understood about them.

Baffling and beloved, with the capacity to go from joy to frustration in seconds, young children are some of the most misunderstood people on the planet. Parents and caregivers struggle with these little ones, who are known for their extreme behaviour, from tantrums, resistance, and aggression to separation anxiety, bedtime protests, and not listening. The key to understanding youngsters lies in realizing that their challenging behaviour is not personal, nor is it a disorder or deficit.

Based on science and the relational developmental approach of renowned psychologist and bestselling author Gordon Neufeld, Rest, Play, Grow reveals how critical adults are in shaping the conditions to ensure young children flourish. This is the story of how young children develop, from their intense need for attachment and the vital importance of play to discipline that preserves growth. Engagingly written, with compassion for its subjects and rich with stories from them and their parents, Rest, Play, Grow will forever change the way you think of the preschoolers in your life.

Dr. Deborah MacNamara is a clinical counsellor and educator with more than twenty-five years experience working with children, youth, and adults. She is on faculty at the Neufeld Institute, operates a counselling practice, and speaks regularly about child and adolescent development to parents, childcare providers, educators, and mental health professionals. She continues to write, do radio and television interviews, and speak to the needs of children and youth based on developmental science. Deborah resides in Vancouver, Canada, with her husband and two children.

Praise for Rest, Play, Grow

“This book is a tribute to not only Dr. MacNamara’s giftedness but also to her absolute driving conviction that the insights regarding relationship and development must get out to those who are responsible for raising our youngsters . . . Dr. MacNamara is wonderfully positioned to tell you this story, taking you from theory to practice. You could not be in better hands.”
—Gordon Neufeld, PhD, bestselling author and founder of the Neufeld Institute

“Deborah MacNamara’s book is rich with insights into both the nature of the child and positive parenting. A boon to parents and teachers, Rest, Play, Grow notes the preeminence of early parent-child attachment in optimal development, and it passionately affirms the primary value of play to children’s well-being and creativity. Dr. MacNamara is highly attuned to both children’s needs and parental best practices. Read, reflect, share.”
—Raffi Cavoukian, CM, singer, author, and founder of the Centre for Child Honouring

“Basing her approach in attachment theory and the groundbreaking work of Dr. Gordon Neufeld, Deborah MacNamara has written an essential primer on how to be a parent by making sense of the inner world of children. This book is developmental science translated into practical love.”
—Gabor Maté, MD, co-author of Hold On to Your Kids

“This is a must-read for every parent of a preschooler or younger. Dr. MacNamara clearly shows the developmental stages of preschoolers so that parents gain a better understanding of the emotional state of the child. It is with this under- standing that parenting the preschooler becomes easier. Read this and you will truly be your ‘kid’s best bet.’”
—Kristy Pillinger, editor-in-chief of Nurture Parenting Magazine

“Reading Rest, Play, Grow brought me to tears because it reaffirmed my gut instincts as a parent. Dr. MacNamara translates a child’s language and maturity into an understandable framework, which will you give you that ‘aha’ moment while reading it, and then she supports you with practices to manage the big emotions of children. Rest, Play, Grow combines real science with real-life stories, humour, and sensible strategies. Deborah has translated the beautifully chaotic world of being a preschooler. If there is only one book you should read as a parent, this is the one.”
—Traci Costa, CEO of Peekaboo Beans

“As a practicing pediatrician, I spend much of my day listening to parental concerns about their toddlers’ imperfections. ‘How can I get my child to eat more, sleep better, toilet train faster, behave reasonably, and be smart but not outsmart me?’ I think of my dear friend Dr. MacNamara and ask myself, ‘How would she answer this question?’ I am delighted that she has put those answers in this wonderful book, full of developmental wisdom and practical advice on the daily life of maturing toddlers and their evolving parents. This is not a quick-fix script but, instead, presents a road map to better understand this amazing age in all its glorious imperfections.”
—Keyvan Hadad, MD, medical director, Intermediate Nursery, BC Women’s Hospital; clinical associate professor, University of British Columbia

“Rest, Play, Grow is a refreshing reminder of the importance of slowing down and allowing children to mature at their own pace, unhindered by societal expectations. With insight and sensitivity, Dr. MacNamara guides parents to trust their intuition to provide the conditions for children to grow rather than offering tools for changing behaviour. After reading Dr. Deborah MacNamara’s book, embracing a child’s immaturity has never felt so fulfilling or freeing.”
—Lori Petro, founder of TEACH through Love

“Dr. MacNamara’s beautifully written book gently expands the reader’s perspective, providing a different lens for viewing the child, one that both widens and deepens understanding. Bringing richness to Dr. Neufeld’s words and models, she helps the reader to do the work of applying such important theory with their own family. Dr. MacNamara truly has the gift of writing, always grounding concepts in very relatable moments from her life and work as a researcher, professor, counsellor, and, of course, parent.
—Genevieve Simperingham, co-founder of the Peaceful Parent Institute

“Finally, a book for parents of young children that weds neuroscience and attachment research and is consummately useful! I am certain that Rest, Play, Grow will be the go-to guide for confused and exhausted parents who are receiving mixed messages from professionals and the culture-at-large about how to raise their children. Dr. MacNamara shows us what we have sensed all along: the answers are within us, and we parents are the relationship experts we have been looking for. I guarantee you that Rest, Play, Grow will be your parenting training wheels, and that by book’s end you will be navigating your parenting journey with the utmost skill, confidence, and joy!”
—Sil Reynolds, co-author of Mothering and Daughtering: Keeping Your Bond Strong through the Teen Years