Never One of Them

Have you ever felt out of place? Nearly everyone has experienced that sort of unease in one context or another, but prior experience serves to remind them that the feeling will pass. Imagine, then, living over 40 years as a virtual outsider – always feeling like you don’t belong among humanity, but never able to come to grips with the reason why. You try to join in conversations, but your poor timing and difficulty relating to others serves only to annoy most people. Everyone else seems to understand the unspoken rules of the game, but they refuse to divulge what those rules are. They may exchange knowing glances in your presence, wordless secrets occasionally punctuated by smirks. Though physically present, you are excluded from their company, seemingly powerless to break through this wall for which you have no name. You are painfully aware that people perceive you as immature, maybe even emotionally stunted, while your best efforts to imitate what's "normal" fail miserably. You manage to play the part for brief periods of time, but the moment you let down your guard, it's over. Socially, you lag well behind your peers. Your odd mannerisms, general awkwardness, occasionally inappropriate verbal outbursts and unusually intense interests set you apart from well-rounded, socially astute people no matter how hard you try to blend in. Join the author as he walks you through a lifetime of persistent alienation, stumbling in the dark of misunderstandings and missed cues, and eventually learning to come to terms with what it means to live life on the autism spectrum. Through a variety of recollections, observations, and an occasional dash of humor, the author forcefully demonstrates that, despite all the heartache it can bring, autism imparts qualities that make people on the spectrum uniquely valuable human beings.