Mutiny of the Broken

Anger erupted within because I felt like a small child being let in on an inside joke...about me. How could this have been withheld from me for four decades? Who would do such a thing to me? Who would not allow God's Grace, Love, Light, Spirit, and Song to fill me from within?

The tears cried after finding God; rather, Him finding me were not only tears of joy, but tears of deep regret and sorrow, because God had been with me all along. I simply chose to shut Him out. There are several reasons for not allowing God into my life. The most obvious to me: It can't be this easy. All the years God gave me glimpses of Majesty, I simply shut the door on the light and wallowed in the darkness. No way life can be this simple and beautiful. So, I did my best to make it hellish and horrid.

I displayed to following mentality much of my life: I must work for everything I have. Nothing in this life is free. If I don't work, I don't earn. Some of this holds true...here, in the world we've created. My friends, God knows nothing of this silly world we've created. Simply by being born, we acquired bounty and abundance beyond human measure.

Its as if God place a cargo ship full of gold bars directly in front of me and simply said, " This is my gift to you." I then promptly sank the ship in the deepest part of the ocean, piled twenty tons of sand atop it, and surrounded it with killer sharks; only to spend the rest of my life learning to scuba dive, swim with sharks, underwater excavate, and search for what was right in front of me in the first place. I thought myself in every single direction but stop. All that was needed was to stop, stop it all...and listen.