Movie Reviews to Annoy and Infuriate 2017

This book is a collection of film reviews. Among them is the following:

Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

A virgin (Dakota Johnson) falls in love with an emotionally distant billionaire (Jamie Dornan) with an interest in kinky BDSM.  I've not read the book so I can only judge from the film version, but I don't see why so much derision is heaped upon it.  Is it loathed simply because it's too popular for the snobby tastemakers of the world?  I actually thought this was fairly classy with a proper plot.  Sure, not a lot actually happens but there's a proper story with proper characters.  It really is a traditional romance with the kinky sex just an added element to spice it up.  The BDSM is not the only content in the story.  There is more to it than that.  Things might be a bit simplistic and too straightforward but it's hardly the laugh out loud pile of crap of its terrible reputation.  That unsophisticated obviousness and directness, and its willingness to be a bit cheesy, is probably a large part of its appeal for a lot of people.  The film was fairly muted with a low-key tone, minimal drama and no hectic pacing.  The visuals are cold and classy.  I thought it refreshing that the central couple were, to me anyway, unknown actors and that they didn't look like supermodels.  She was a bit goofy looking (she reminded me a lot of actress Zoe Kazan) and he had a pudgy face.  I'm not a body fascist; I'm just saying they looked like normal people and I enjoyed that about the film.  I would also argue there was a reserved, subdued chemistry between them so I disagree with claims that they had no chemistry.  The dialogue had a few cheesy lines at the start but I considered the dialogue to be decent throughout (and unlike the lesbian BDSM art film The Duke of Burgundy (2014) the characters actually talked to each other).  The sex scenes were brief and not silly.  They were so brief that the final sex scene is almost comically short with him merely hitting her six times with the whip.  I also think people miss that there's a lot of humour in the film.  She giggles a lot and he chides her for laughing, but I detected his own suppressed amusement as he acknowledges that it's odd what he's doing.  It was nothing special but it was perfectly decent and very watchable.  Also anyone making a big thing about it being anti-feminist is way off the mark.  There is nothing offensive in this.  Everything is consensual.  I'd even go as far as saying it's quite a sweet romance if you have an open mind to the perversity.  I can't comment on the allegedly very poorly written novel, but I can see why this film is popular with people who like romance stories as there is a genuine romance at its centre.  That something as unconventional as this could be considered very mainstream is a triumph.  NOTE: I streamed the film and I assume it was the cinema cut and not the extended unrated version which is roughly four minutes longer.  I've also read a pile of 1 out of 10 reviews on IMDB.  They all sound like children showing-off to each other in an attempt to prove that they hated it more than anyone else.

6 out of 10