Missing Gretyl: You Only Love Twice

Some say Gretyl is loud, hairy, and obnoxious. Others are less complimentary.

Buckle up for a comedic rollercoaster ride, with bad wigs, waxing disasters, holiday scams, a deluded hitman, lust, arson and murder.

After fifty years of marriage, Gretyl Trollop is thinking of a new life, somewhere hot. Her husband, Albert, is thinking of the crematorium. She’s thinking of stuffing herself in a bikini. He's thinking of a taxidermist. The Londoners continue their separate lives until a mysterious letter turns their world upside down.

In Essex, Dave and Sharon Soddall are struggling on benefits and looking for a get-rich-quick solution. With the help of a devious financial advisor, they concoct a plan and ‘Costa Soddall Travel’ is born.

Will the Soddalls pull off the con of a lifetime? Can Gretyl be silenced? Will Albert end up missing Gretyl?

'A funny, well-observed romp of a book - fast-moving, highly comic scenarios are peppered with big characters. And an ogre at the centre of it (not a real ogre, like in Harry Potter, but then there's no such thing as a real ogre - this is such a thing as a real Gretyl, which is scarier). It's fun and funny.'Paul Kerensa (comedian & scriptwriter for TV sitcoms, incl. 'Miranda' and 'Not Going Out')

'Congratulations on your success. I can see why Gretyl has become so popular... I'm sure I'll see 'Gretyl' on the screen some time in the future.' Richard Boden (Director/Producer: The IT Crowd, Blackadder Goes Forth, The Life of Riley)

‘I loved it! It was like Carry On meets Only Fools and Horses...’ Kate Beth Heywood (author)

‘You know you're onto a good thing when the novel you start is hard to stop! When you look forward to the next time you can pick it up and get a bit more of the story...when you're a bit miffed to find you've got to do stuff like work, eat, feed your children and even go the loo, as it means you have to put the book down...then the novel has done its job. And this novel does its job very well; the characters are endearing, the plot intriguing and the overall result - pleasing. Go read it!' Annie Porthouse (author)

‘A rollicking, rip-roaring novel crammed with larger-than-life characters, Missing Gretyl offers lively action, Rabelaisian dialogue, and ribald humour, barely concealing a story with a warm heart and a moral core.’ Sue Russell (author)

‘The storyline has enough twists and outright laughable moments to keep any reader sniggering along. The plot flows successfully through several unanticipated episodes, and on to a somewhat unforeseen yet satisfying ending. Missing Gretyl is a well-written comedy of events that treats even the coarsest of subjects with flair... The author has succeeded in turning everyday life into a hilarious page-turner.’ Jo Rodrigues (author)

‘I was gripped... Great characters, well written and very entertaining! I highly recommend this book!’Nicky Reid (author)

‘I didn't want it to end... Some magnificent, larger-than-life characters in the best traditions of Tom Sharpe and a skilfully-contrived plot to draw them all together, but best of all an overall feeling of warmth, chaos and hilarity that reminded me strangely of A Confederacy of Dunces. Very funny and highly recommended.’ Joel Hames-Clarke (author)