I Miss Him

I miss him...

I miss you : message delivered.

Now, why did I have to text him that? He doesn't care anymore. I'm only being desperate. He said he didn't want to hear from me again...that there was too much pain. I do believe he really loved me.

Oh, I hate this annoying rain! No, I love it. I don't know. He used to tell me how much he liked rainy days. I don't know if I now love or hate rain because of that. And I can't remember what I felt like before I met him. It is like there was no before.

Yep! I officially am desperate! But I just miss him so much. I never felt that sort of connection before...as much of a cliché as it may sound. I never felt like everything was right and exactly how it should have been. I had many misbelieves and preconceptions, I was one of those women thinking that all men are pains in the neck. But he came and stepped over each and every one of them. He made me feel in ways I only thought existed in fairy tales.

And why did I hurt him? Repeatedly? Why I couldn't trust us enough and pushed him away over and over again until it all died? Good questions. Someone give me the answers; because he gave me the best three years I ever had.

Tomorrow is my birthday. We haven't spoken in almost two weeks now. His last text was full of resentment, saying he couldn't bear to have me in his life anymore, no matter how much he cared about me and missed me. I hate my birthday. I always did. There is always something wrong going on for me around this time of the year. No joy, usually plain annoyance.