I Blame My Mother

Apart from the headline-grabbing news of children having been murdered by their mothers, women are generally considered to be nurturers, not abusers. But mothers abuse their children in alarming numbers. 3 million cases of child abuse (6 million children) are reported to child protection services in the U.S. each year – Over 40% of abusers are mothers, either alone or with another adult.

This abuse, while not as dramatic as drowning, poisoning or stabbing, is nevertheless life-shattering for the betrayed children.

Mothers are more likely than fathers to “get away” with verbal, physical or sexual abuse of their offspring because:

-- they have more opportunity (usually being the main caregiver)
-- society assigns them a nurturing, wholesome role
-- we are reluctant to accept that mothers can be cruel to their own children.

When I requested contributions from fellow therapists for this book at least 3 out of 10 asked “why not fathers?” [as abusers] and some even sent stories of male perpetrators rather than mothers.

When I mention that I was sexually abused, people automatically assume it was by a man. Such is the bias that abusers are mostly men.

But this book is focused on the harm (whether deliberate or unwittingly) done to their children by mothers in Canada, Australia, the U.S., the U.K., New Zealand and similar countries.

Of course, no such examination of abuse by mothers would be complete without suggesting actions to remedy – and more importantly, prevent – further harm.

You may be shocked by some of the true stories herein. Although the names, locations and details have been altered for confidentiality and anonymity, the essence of what you are about to read is factual.

Many of the case histories are from my own private practice. Others were contributed by therapists whom I thank but can’t name without perhaps providing an unintentional clue to the identity of the survivors. Other tales are composites. Many (especially the shorter ones) are direct quotes.

The intent of this book is to provide adult survivors of childhood verbal, physical or sexual abuse caused by their mothers with practical ways to deal with such a negative legacy. And to prompt thinking on ways that abuse of children can be prevented in the future.