I'm Not Gay

If I like the idea of being a girl that had to mean that I was disgusting and desiring a disgusting lifestyle. Maybe Beth was right about it being a phase. If it’s just a phase then I’ll move past it and be okay. I like boys anyway. I’ve always liked boys. So I can’t like girls too. It had to be either one or the other because otherwise it’s just confusing. Maybe I was confused. I had a beautiful, close friend and confused my appreciation of friendship for attraction. That had to be it, right? I hadn’t liked a girl before Beth and even if I liked girls it had to be just a phase. But what if it wasn’t? What if I really did like girls? Who else would see me as revolting and turn away from me? How many sleepovers will I automatically not be invited to? How many people would treat me differently? How many girls will inch away from me or take my kindness as flirting and reject me? How many guys will try to talk me out of being myself because they knew how to fix my confusion? How will my family treat me once I tell them?