How To Mend A Broken Heart

How To Mend A Broken Heart
When a loved one leaves our lives our whole world can come tumbling down. It is really true: “love does make the world go round”! And, when a once-upon-a-time loved one leaves, or worse yet, someone you still love leaves, it’s a Jack and Jill situation. It’s Jack or Jill who has broken his/her crown and has come tumbling down.

The grief and the accompanying sadness is hard to handle. But handle it we must. Life does not stop, when we are devastated. The sun always rises. We curse and swear that all around us is blooming when we feel like we are dying inside. And we ask ourselves the inevitable WHY???? Why me? Why me? I haven’t done anything wrong… why must these things happen to ME?

Why or Oh Why Me?

Those questions can take a long time to get answered. Meanwhile something is tearing apart within, we are screaming a silent scream inside of us and life becomes too painful. The pain becomes agony… and sometimes the agony is so unbearable that we stop feeling altogether… we become numb… indifferent to all things happening around us. At least this way we don’t feel the extreme pain.
But as you have experienced it… this numbness, this indifference is sometimes, even harder to handle than the immediate pain that you felt (when you tumbled down with so much Gusto). Here, we have two pathways to pain:

The Two Pathways To Pain

Pathway number 1 is when we feel a very intense pain and there is another part of your mind that is play-acting the sad heroine or the hero inside of you and telling you that this is what life is all about, living life in the grand and painful intensity of the moment…. Ah poor me! The great hero or heroine. You glorify the sad role. In fact you even justify your very existence by pain and after a while you like the pain… it gives you a sense of identity.

Pathway number 2 is when the numbness sets in, we don’t want to feel the pain any more, we block the world out and we protect ourselves with indifference. We will not react to anything or anyone. Not even to our own thoughts. Your whole concentration is on creating a distance, a buffer between the world and you. That’s pain on another level.

Recognize yourself in any of these pathways?

The Giver-Up Pathway

There’s of course Pathway No 3: the giver up one: the one where we think ok, I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough for my lover and my whole world is stopped but since the world will not stop going on, when I feel it has stopped for me… I opt out. Then there are the attempts to give up on life…. These are natural asking-for-attention type of roles. But if the attempt to suicide gets real and comes through… it is a decision taken that one has to come to terms with for the individual is supreme in all the choices it makes… though it is an extremely foolish one. One that shows that you do not respect yourself more than you do your lover.

Therefore: you have no right to fall in love with others.
How to use this book towards healing yourself

Try not to skip the chapters, go from chapter to chapter. Every exercise is a progressive step towards healing.