Heartbreak and Rage: Ten Years Under Sun Myung Moon, A Cult Survivor's Memoir

Part Four: Justification by Perseverance

In Part Four, Neufeld describes his final years as a member of the cult known as the Unification Church (often called the “Moonies”).  Neufeld now finds himself in an isolated situation, living in Canada far away from any other church members.  Worse, he is also single again.  The woman he had “married” (it was never a legal marriage), at a mass wedding officiated by the Reverend Sun Myung Moon in 1982, had decided to break off their long-distance relationship.  Because of cult rules, he had always lived apart from her, but with this decision, their separation was made permanent.  Now, Neufeld must decide whether to return to active involvement in the cult (although, of course, he denies that the Unification Church is a cult), or to leave the group once and for all.  Despite his loss, which he feels deeply, Neufeld determines to carry on.  Instead of justifying himself through love, he decides that he will justify his existence through sheer perseverance in the face of his loneliness and loss.  He makes an attempt to return to active involvement in the cult by moving to Toronto, where he hopes to work with other members while having an outside job and home.  But he is rebuffed by the Toronto church leader, who does not understand this independence.  Since Neufeld desperately desires to marry again, but continues to believe the cult teaching which states that only Sun Myung Moon can sanctify a marriage, he casts about for some other way to remain a member of the Unification Church.  Finally, he decides to make one more effort to stay involved in the cult, by moving to Montana, where he plans to live and work with the members, without setting any conditions about having an outside job or home.   Throughout Part Four, Neufeld repeatedly attempts to remain in the cult, yet finds he is becoming more and more dispirited by its sheer inflexibility.  In the final chapter, he recounts his remaining days as a cult member until he is able, at last, to find justification for his existence some other way, by embracing the mystery of “not knowing.”  In a riveting epilogue, titled “Caught Between Two Worlds,” Neufeld describes how he gradually readjusted to life in a world that had become strange to him, and how he very nearly returned to the cult at one point, only to opt instead to pursue his lifelong dream to become a writer.  And, in a new epilogue to the Second Edition, titled “Home,” Neufeld recounts what has transpired since his book’s original publication in 2002, and how the publication of the First Edition led to his meeting and marrying the woman of his dreams.