Doesticks What He Says - The Original Classic Edition

This is a new and freshly published edition of this culturally important work by Q. K. Philander Doesticks, which is now, at last, again available to you.

Enjoy this classic work today. These selected paragraphs distill the contents and give you a quick look inside Doesticks What He Says:

Man came back with the beer, drank it to the last drop, and wished there had been a gallon more-walked out on a rock to the edge of the fall, woman on the shore very much frightened-I told her not to get excited if I fell over, as I would step right up again-it would not be much of a fall anyhow-got a glass of beer of a man, another of a woman, and another of two small boys with a pail-fifteen minutes elapsed, when I purchased some more of an Indian woman, and imbibed it through a straw; it wasnt good-had to get a glass of beer to take the taste out of my mouth; legs began to tangle up, effects of the spray in my eyes, got hungry and wanted something to eat-went into an eating-house, called for a plate of beans, when the plate brought the waiter in his hand. I took it, hung up my beef and beans on a nail, eat my hat, paid the dollar a nigger, and sided out on the step-walk, bought a boy of a glass of dog with a small beer and a neck on his tail, with a collar with a spot on the end-felt funny, sick-got some soda-water in a tin-cup, drank the cup and placed the soda on the counter, and paid for the money full of pocket-very bad headache; rubbed it against the lamp-post and then stumped along; station-house came along and said if I did not go straight hed take me to the watchman-tried to oblige the station-house, very civil station-house, very-met a baby with an Irish woman and a wheelbarrow in it; couldnt get out of the way; she wouldnt walk on the sidewalk, but insisted on going on both sides of the street at once; tried to walk between her; consequence collision, awful, knocked out the wheelbarrows nose, broke the Irish woman all to pieces, baby loose, court-house handy, took me to the constable, jury sat on me, and the jail said the magistrate must take me to the constable; objected; the dungeon put me into the darkest constable in the city; got out, and here I am, prepared to stick to my original opinion.