Two Worlds, One Mind

The Autobiography of an Autistic Woman-Child

What Is Everyone Talking About? Throughout my forty-five years of life, many people (family, friends, teachers, neighbors, co-workers, bosses, professionals, or others) have made verbal statements regarding how I act, respond, or think. Here is a wide variety of the most common among them: Susan, quit biting yourself! Susan, stop banging your head on the floor! Why are you hurting yourself? Stop flapping your hands in the airyou look like a fairy! Susan doesnt have any sense of pain. Put those shoulders down and stop rocking. Stop kicking your feet and carrying on this temper tantrum. Slow down! Lift up your chin and look at me, not out in space. Stop screaming! Stop yelling! Talk slower! Youre too loud! Stop your damn laughing; there is nothing funny about that. Susan is so sensitive about everything. Stop staring off somewhere and pay attention. Susan is nervous and jerkymostly jerky. Are you deaf? Answer me. Your thinking is backward. You are such a klutz. Why are you so clumsy? What did you do nowcrash? Stop spinning that radio; youre going to break it! Susan, will you stop spinning the dice and take your turn. Stop spinning the spinner; we want to play the game! Stop, Susan, youre going to ruin the record player, turning the turntable by hand! Sue, you talk about the same things over and over. Susie, we are tired of you asking us the same questions. We already answered it. No, the answer didnt change! Susan, get out of that room and socialize! Sue, why are you going on and on about the same thing? We are not even talking about that anymore. Susan is so damn stubborn. Why arent you emotionally sensitive to other people? Do you believe everything people say? You take things people say way too literally! You take things too seriously! You have no sense of humor! Nobody understands what the hell you are talking about! What is wrong with you? Susan, stop making that noise! Susan, will you shut up!!!! Listen to what I saidare you deaf? You are a blockhead! You are a half-wit! Why do you do the same things all the time? Why do you eat the same things all the time? Dont talk to Susan. She wont understand! Susan, we dont want to hear your problems! Will you stop organizing everything! Youre weird! Youre odd! Youre stupid! Youre a retard! Sue, you are so slow. Youre not getting it! Youre always lost; thats why I love you! God, youre so naive! Geez, youre a moron! Stop talking with your hands and tell me what you want! Close your mouth! You look like an idiot! Stop pinching! You are so exasperating! Youre crazy! What is Susan so upset about? Calm down! Youre a pain! Stop pointing at things and speak up if you want something! WellSusan, we thought you were possessed! You never did like change! Susan, you are going to have to adjust to change in order to survive! You are so task oriented. Do you do everything people tell you to do? Susie, do you remember everything people say? Susie, you have a remarkable memory! Youre like a computer! You need to be yourself; you are a chronic people pleaser! Dont touch her; she jumps! Comments like these or others would send an automatic wave of scrambling. The behaviors you want to change would become more intense, or an emotional outburst would follow. If you are displeased about us, then we are displeased with you but for different reasons. Ours are Why? You dont make sense to me. Your words hurt me. Your actions hurt me. Your tone of voice hurts me. Your facial expression (if we can make eye contact) scares me. Leave me alone! We may look at you with intense anger or wave our arms in a panicky motion. We may push things, kick, scream, bite, pinch, cry uncontrollably, or withdraw. Physical contact becomes unbearable. Remember, we are scrambled. The words used by others cause friction in our brain circuits