Liberal Climate Scientists Hate Our America & We Must Stop It! An Unbiased Patriotic Rejection of Climate Change

In 2014, we were bombarded with apocalyptic news about so-called "climate change"—at least when the power wasn't out due to winter storms or drought-induced wildfires. The IPCC released its Fifth Assessment Report, and the United States government released its most comprehensive report ever on climate change. These reports provide further confirmation that scientists and government officials just won't shut up about climate change. The U.S. government report, in particular, has the audacity to devote valuable energy—which is badly needed for air conditioning—to make the case that climate change is a problem right now, not simply an issue for our children or grandchildren.

I don't want you to waste valuable time reading these reports—there are SUV's to be driven, firearms to be shot, and an ever-expanding universe of Kardashians to be kept up with (and now a Caitlin). Let me summarize. The reports claim that the global warming has been occurring since the Nineteenth Century and its effects, including heat waves, droughts, flooding, warming in the high latitudes, and ecosystem impacts, are being observed around the world. They further allege that the primary cause of global warming is excess greenhouse gas emitted through human activity, particularly deforestation and fossil fuel use. According to these reports, greenhouse emissions rose 5.9% in 2010, and an additional 3.2% in 2011, both setting records. At this rate, the reports claim, the carbon dioxide (CO2) level could reach 560 parts per million by the second half of the century, which is twice the level it was at the beginning of the Industrial Revolution. Apparently, this increase could produce 2°C to 4.7°C (3.6°F to 8.5°F) of warming. The reports claim that Antarctica's ice sheets will continue to shrink, while Greenland's glaciers might disappear entirely, resulting in several meters of sea-level rise. The National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) alleges that the Arctic is changing rapidly, becoming considerably warmer and greener. Furthermore, the lack of sea ice will cause fundamental changes in heat exchange between the ocean and the atmosphere. Scientists have found that species are responding to climate change up to three times faster than previously estimated. Changes in habitat quality and food sources are putting wildlife populations under stress. Human society is being impacted by sea level rise, flooding, and water shortages. According to scientists, these impacts are likely to not only continue, but to intensify.

Of course, these are just facts...empty, heartless, facts. As we all know, facts are not the same thing as the truth. You don't have to believe facts, because there are always plenty of specious arguments and a panel of experts to contradict them. It is only through a careful selection and a single-minded interpretation of the right facts that we can achieve the truth we want. Dare I say, the truth that this great country deserves! In this volume, I have assembled a panel of experts, including myself, to put a stop to all of the aggressive scientific fact-mongering dominating the liberal media and provide real, patriotic answers to the issues we face.

The contributors to this volume, as respected scienticians, pundits, and other people with free time, are united in the well-reasoned view that our great country will not take a backseat to “nature”. Climate change is a hoax, and fossil fuels are a gift from God to the greatest nation that has ever existed—America. To ensure that fossil fuels remain the energy source of the future, I have formed a consortium known as Climate Researchers Advocating Petroleum and signed all of the contributors to this book up as members. In a nonsensical, fact-cluttered landscape, CRAP truly represents the true light of truth.