Journal of Dysfunction, Denial and Discovery

The Reluctant Lesbian

This book is the story of seeking acceptance in a 19701980s alternative lifestyle world while suffering from an undiagnosed bipolar condition. Told through journaling over six years, the story focuses on a victim in a loving yet frustrating and sometimes abusive relationship with another woman, and finally as a graduate student seeking success through academic accomplishment. She claws her way through a self-likehate relationship as she seeks the love and approval of others and considers ending her life at many turns. It is a story that represents the worst six years of a life with depression and self-loathing. Whereas a retrospective would say to the outside world that she had all the wonderful opportunities that her life could afford, most did not see or recognize the signs of the mental illness beneath. It is a story of angst where journal writing occurred mostly when life was in negative cycles. It is hoped that this story will help others who may find themselves in unhealthy relationships and those who suspect that mental illness may be a serious factor in their lives.