It's Not That I'm Bitter . . .

Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying About Visible Panty Lines and Conquered the World

In a world where eye cream is made from placenta, Gina Barreca is the lone voice calling out "But wait, whose placenta is it?" She asks the crucial questions: Why is there no King Charming? Why does no bra ever fit? Why are there no tutus in XL? Why do more intelligent women have trusted psychics than have trusted financial advisors? While she definitely wants everyone to know that she's not bitter, Gina does want to know why no one realizes that Anne Bancroft was only thirty-six when she played Mrs. Robinson, the quintessential cougar. In "It's Not That I'm Bitter..." Gina shouts out her message to women everywhere: "You are smart enough to conquer the world, so please stop weeping when you try on bathing suits at T.J. Maxx." As Gina declares "The world lies to us and we want to believe. We want to believe that, if we wear a pair of palazzo pants with a latex escape hatch built into the stomach area, we'll appear five pounds slimmer instantly… We torture ourselves, even though we are smart broads." In deliciously quotable essays on the ability of both chin hairs and tweezers to affect your life, the reason every woman believes she's crazy, the possibility that the "glass ceiling" may just be a thick layer of men, and thoughts on intimate conversations she'd have with Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Cindy McCain and Sarah Palin, Barreca gleefully rejects the emotional torture, embraces the limitless laughter, and shows other women how they can conquer the world with a sharp wit, good shoes and not a single worry about VPLs.