Incomings: What Really Becomes of an Incest Survivor

I debuted in a series of arranged sexual encounters directed and produced by my older cousins and an aunt. The cousin I co starred with is now deceased, may he RIP. I recall an older him, yea a him that very well knew better to solicit a take on the "show". His words were, "hey cuz, you remember what they use to make us do when we were little?" My reply with a turned up lip and a downward brow was, "yeah" pause… "well u wanna do it again?" DONNING A MUCH DEEPER FUCK U EXPRESSION, "Hell nawl!" He smiled with a slight chuckle as if to indicate it was a joke. Bet if I’d said yea, he’d a been on top of me like a hat on hair. It may have felt good, I really don’t remember how I processed the act. Just know I will not count that as the loss of my virginity. I don’t even know if it was "in". I’m pretty sure the taking of the virginity has to occur with a going of the in. Shit…. Where is it? Who "took it"? Does any of the incest/molestation count?

I recall this one old cat that was giving me money in exchange for brief sexual encounters. No no… it’s not prostituting. I was an indirect pros-ti-tot(a young prostitute) in my younger days when I earned the nick name Angel Dust for being highly sexually addictive, but I’m 17 now so I just happen to know guys that will give me money before, during or after sex because uhh it feels good. [smirk]

Anyway this guy was ailing in health and had to go to the hospital quite often. He was once admitted right before he was due to give me some money for some clothing items he promised me. I called the hospital and was like, "can I come up there and get the money"? He’s all like, "damn Angie, do you even care that I‘m laid up in the hospital?” I said, "Yeah, I care, I said hi!" "But if you don‘t make it, how am I supposed to get the clothes?" "I have to borrow a jacket to wear up there to get the money, If you’re going to give it to me". He reluctantly said he would. So I willingly went my ass up there and collected. He looked better.

The guy that gave me the nick name was called, "Johnny Cool". He said he heard that Angel Dust was some good shit and well… so was I. It stuck and to this day, I wear the "handle" on my chest. He gave me everything a young 14 year old girl could want. What he didn’t give me, I stole from him. The biggest feat was trying to keep him from finding out, until I was out of his presence and safe at home where I lived with my cousin. She was about 18 or 19, an expert at the game and the one that introduced me and my sister to the "skill". It didn’t matter to me that the old perv was 47 at the time. He’d flaunt me in front of his friends. I know someone knew I was just a child but no one cared or dared to bring it up. I cherish the experience, that I’d know better today.