I Came Out for This?

A Novel

There’s only one place Joanna Kane can tell it like it is. Her journal:

I hate Terri Rubin, the woman I’m in love with. She called and told me she’s dating a woman named Sonya. I hate this Sonya and I hate Terri and I hate myself because I was never like this in my life. Do you know what it’s like to come out when you’re in your forties, having menopausal symptoms, for God’s sake, and then fall madly in love with someone? All of a sudden you’re in adolescencefor the first time. You don’t even recognize yourself. My whole adult life I was this cool, collected writer, strutting around in jeans and leather jacket, advising friends and siblings about their relationships, being a devoted daughter and a responsible professional person and a good citizen, and then one day I woke up and realized I was gay, and then this sassy woman walked into my life and I fell in love at first sight, after spending my life thinking that never really happened and only watching West Side Story because of the gangs. And now I’ve become the kind of person I used to make fun of, who becomes hysterical because her beloved tells her she’s dating some woman named Sonya who has an apothecary store in Bethesda, Maryland.

I’m sick of being in this endless rut, I’m sick of Cleveland, and I’m thinking of moving to Washington, DC to be with Terri Rubin who I hate.