Husband

My 40-Year Marriage to a Gay Man

In the beginning JoAnne thought her relationship with Steve was exhilarating and fun. Though she knew he had bisexual interests, she trusted their love for each other and felt ready to accept an unconventional marriage in the spirit of the rebellious and sexually charged 1960s. Excitement was in the air as they moved to Brooklyn Heights, wrote screenplays together, met a mobster killer, and were repeatedly robbed and mugged themselves. But gradually problems developed, as Steve drank too much, began cruising in bad neighborhoods, drifted into dangerous liaisons, and lied to her about his secret life, which repeatedly put the family in danger. Meanwhile, JoAnne felt nearly overwhelmed by other crises, including her recurring breast cancer and her parents being critically injured in their house fire. As she became convinced her husband was gay, JoAnne prepared for divorce, but neither she nor Steve really wanted to separate. Still best friends, the two continued living together. They remained close, loving their daughters and feeling rooted in the house that over the years had cost them so much. When Steve died, JoAnne sought to understand their strange and troubled relationship by drawing on her memories and Steves journals about his gay encounters and fantasies. Her memoir is a brave and brutally honest account of a troubled but enduring love. Recent research suggests that some 4 million women may be married to closeted gay men. Husband is the story of one such relationship that lasted nearly 40 years.