Holding Back The Tears

Facing up to the fact your child has died.

Facing up to the fact your child has died......... Bereavement loss of a child through accident or cot death suicide any other illness's it is a fact of life no one expects their own child to die before they do, don't face it alone The devastion it can cause us is overwhelming and outwith our own emotional control. WE all learn to cope in our own ways through what ever emans it takes to get us through this undescribable pain which we have to endure. Death of a child comes with many issues we all have to face every day of our life, some which we took for granted before our loss.A few questions being asked in small talk situations eg'''how many children do you ''? what do you say this is one in particular which strikes our heart with an overwhelming emotion of dispair. Death also comes with its demons depression, anxiety,isolation feeling lonely lost. This book carries you through these emotions of Grief after our loss. You shall gain an insight into the mind of a mother who lost her own child to suicide. Her mental coping skills and physical well being become the main goal in her life to set her back on the right track again. Rosie Gilmour, mother to Finlay Sinclair faces an Devastating journey of emotional turmoil which leaves her feeling Vulnerable and sometimes to the extent hostile towards anyone who dares to cross her path to offer any support of any kind for she believes she can cope with all the pain which follows the aftermath of losing her Child all on her own. On the brink of a total meltdown drowning in sorrow Rosie seeks out new ways in which she can turn her life around. Rosie receives news of the death of her son who she refers to as me Laddie throughout the story. On February 6th 2000 Finlay Sinclair me laddie tragically took his own life.

Rosie desperate to find the peace of mind she requires to carry on in life she pretends her son is still alive by talking to him, for this help her takes away the unbearable pain of her loss. She soon begins to face up to the fact her son Finlay is not coming back. It is not until her imaginary conversations become more of a challenge to control and lead to more than she can handle she then begins to question herself and seek help.

,Memories of her past triggered with everyday life events as hearing the cries of a baby or a beautiful sunny day takes her mind back and forth in time – back to her own childhood days in 1960, when she flirted with the fairground boys, and forward to the day she gave birth to Finlay – ''ME LADDIE''.

She prepares to make plans to re-unites her role as Finlay's mother – a role which she has denied herself for seven years prior to Finlay's death. learning new coping skills to forgive herself and accept her loss causes her mental and physical health to plummet where she lies like a wounded creature wanting to curl up and die.

Many voices of different natures and walks of life appear in Rosie's, story with each one offering a part of their own belief to try and console her in her misery – except she turns her back on any advice or support offered. Rosie is convinced that she can cope with her loss on her own and “needs no help from anyone, thank you” - until a sweet, gentle, soft-spoken voice begins to travel with her throughout her ordeal, leaving her no other choice but to listen.

Eventually moving to another home set within the hustle and bustle of town life which opens her eyes and gives her life a new meaning offering her the opportunity to re-value her belief's about her own self values and decides the time has come to give her son a memorial service and invite a chosen few dance companions whom she met on a regular basis in Edinburgh to honour this day. Rosie begins to accept she will never be the same person she once had been and shall never be again, believing now her journey through grief taught her many lessons making her a stronger and better person than she imagined she could ever be.