Go There: A Guide to Fantasizing Together in Bed

Would Shared Fantasizing Revive Your Sex Life?

It is generally accepted that the longer a couple is together, the less they are going to have sex. I believe, however, that couples should have great sex lives regardless of the length of the relationship. It is too easy and too good. No matter what challenges life throws at you, if you and your partner are physically able, why wouldn’t you experience ecstasy together as often as possible?

Two causes of waning love lives are boredom and laziness. We find ourselves doing and saying the same things at the same time in the same place with the same person. After a while, we become too lazy to add anything new and our usual routine isn’t worth getting excited about.

Sometimes, one partner may try to add excitement by imagining they are with someone else during sex. He or she may achieve some ‘newness’ using this technique, but their partner is left out at a time when they should be experiencing the ultimate in closeness. Instead of going it alone, why not work together in a way I call shared fantasizing?

Sharing fantasizing is about working as a couple to create stories you both enjoy. If you are in the right frame of mind, collaborating can open a door to a whole new world of pleasure you create and experience together. Through our shared fantasies, my wife and I have a variety of exceptional sexual experiences in the safety of our own bed and our own relationship. Even though the stories we tell involve other people, telling them is a very ‘together’ experience. It is much better than simply thinking about someone else during sex.

Benefits

If exceptional sexual experiences are not enough, then here are some other benefits of shared fantasizing. First, it is relatively stress free compared to finding new sex partners in real life. The anxiety caused by sneaking around with someone could take the fun out of a fling and, if you get caught, someone you care about gets hurt. You might even end up losing the love of your life. STDs are another stressor you avoid by fantasizing instead of having an affair.

Another benefit of telling stories together is that fantasy can be better than reality. First time encounters are often awkward and unremarkable. In reality, a one night stand with a celebrity would probably be a typical first time experience - not that great. In your fantasy, however, it will be amazing.

Orgasm management is another area in which well executed stories can be useful. Some people have a problem with cumming too fast while others take an annoyingly long time. If my wife is done before me, I might ask her to ‘talk it out of me.’ She will tell me a short story that will make me finish faster. If too fast is your problem, then the right story can speed up your partner while letting you simmer.

Disclaimer

This practice is not for everybody and I do not intend to convince you of the need to be telling stories in bed. If you or your partner are scandalized by the idea of talking about wild sexual experiences, then don’t. And no, we don’t tell stories every time we have sex. Creating fantasies is just one way we occasionally inject variety into our love life.

If you do wish to explore the possibility of shared fantasizing, consider several factors before you begin. How long have you been with your partner and how has your relationship evolved? Is your partner generally conservative, or open to new ideas? If now is not the right time to add erotic story telling to your relationship, don’t necessarily give up. Someone who would be put off by the idea now might be more open down the road.

This guide will help you get to a place where you can share fantasies and then show you how to 'go there' by telling great stories. After learning the basics, you will be presented with plenty of story starting ideas to keep you occupied for the foreseeable future. Enjoy.