A Hare-brained Assault on the Godhead from the Portals of Existence to the Foothills of Infinity

For those wondering how they came to be, why there's something rather than nothing and why an infinite number of birds would have to be Brazilian birds, ex-priest Frånk Non's opus, "A Hare-brained Assault on the Godhead from the Portals of Existence to the Foothills of Infinity," offers theories for everything... and for NOTHING.
 Biting the hand that once fed him, newfound atheist Non tempts thunderbolts and fatwas with this damning appraisal of religion and his old boss, God. With an appetite for the sublime, the ridiculous, the infinite and absolute nought, Non ruminates on the mysteries of existence and takes a few well-aimed potshots at the godhead into the bargain. Tipping lots of sarcasm-laced nods to some of the biggest names in science and religion, Non harbours a dream that any or all of professors Stephen Hawking, Richard Dawkins, Roger Penrose, Alan Guth, ex-Archbishop Rowan Williams and royal astronomer, Sir Martin Rees, might one day stumble across his book. Whether they encounter it by fluke, providence or never encounter it, this book is a challenge to them all as it brings much-needed humour to the dominantly po-faced God debate.

This is a piece then that should make each of those named sit up and notice, as a prelude, if the author might be so frånk, to wetting their pants, or some saucy little French number as the case may be, for which at least one of those mentioned is rumoured to have a predilection.
Gentlemen, you are all such prodigious intellects, communicators and writers but where is your wit? And but for Dawkins, with his great pair hanging out there for them all to kick, where are your cojones?
Time for you all perhaps to take a leaf out of someone other’s book, and here’s the very book. The author’s clued up on your stuff as his writing will show; now you should sample his work. Why? Because it’s every bit as smart as yours but dafter by far. Once in, be sure to have your brains engaged (seat-belted even), your girdles loosened and a pinch or two of salt standing by.
So cough up your miserly pennies you tightwads and download this rambunctious book before the French knicker wearer among you is revealed. Not that cavorting in French knickers is anyone’s concern but your own, nor a thing to be ashamed of, but you just might not want that French housekeeper of yours to know. Now get yourself more suitably attired and have a crack at these: -
Did God create Man or Man God? Surely we know the answer, but why the pretense that we don’t?
Do ALL material things count as “observers” in the quantum universe? 
Is eternity as long as it gets, or longer?
Does the impossibility of ABSOLUTE NOTHING compel the universe into a perpetual, cyclic existence? Or is Roger Penrose having us on?
Have the Islamists got it right, that Allah is the ‘one and only’ true god, the other ‘one and only’ true god, God, having gone the way of a certain parrot i.e. been nailed to a perch and refusing His cuttlefish?
If the opinion of a coffee-soaked sock puppet’s anything to go by, this is a must-read for all whose brains hurt at the sheer improbability of it all.